Loyalty

I sit here with you passed out thinking about what has happened tonight, questioning neighbors about your behavior. Loyalty has been passing around through my mind. Torn apart by the lies of text messages. He said she said, shown in living color. I sit here and cry and cry and cry. My spoken words no good to anyone but living in writing. The pain that I feel again with the texts. Nothing to hide? Attraction, love? What does that mean to one. Love, 21 definitions for the word but a different meaning to each. For me love is putting another's passions, dreams, desires, and wants with yours. A bond that is so strong that a mere glance to the other is understood without an exchange of words. I felt that here. I love the feeling of being in love. I MESSED UP I KNOW!! But to be punished in a way like this is unbearable. I knew something was going on, I'm not stupid. But thanks for making it feel that way. Paternity test, DNA is what you want I will show you. Proof is not enough of what I have been showing you here though. I love you, I cry for you. Emotions soooo deep that I want to go to Ben and finish our conversation with my fist! Disrespectful is what he is. Coming over to a place which I help pay for, drinking with a lady that I love, a connection between the two of you that I read! Right? I cannot speak I look up to shout but tears run down my face. I know what hurts you, but do I intentionally hurt you like that? No! I had faith in you, have been faithful to you. Just what I deserve I guess for not getting results to you faster. I sit here and look and see what a beautiful person that you are and creativity that lies beneath your soul, but with influences in your body right now it's not the same person. Ugly, dishonest, pain, I see it now pouring out. I hate feeling like this, wondering what you are up to while I am at work. This is going to take a long time to heal. I thought you would never do this again, said you wouldn't but here we are. I guess the feeling of saying it means more than doing it. I'M SORRY!! SORRY!! How many times must I shout it, text it, type it, think it? I have proven myself to you time and time again. How much do you need? I made a mistake, and am paying for it. But the moment you drive like that I get yelled at again. You're a different person when you do that, a hurtful person. I was very good tonight! I held myself back from rearranging someones face, I was the bigger person today. Loyalty. Trust. Honor. Integrity. That took a lot out of me to act that way. Anger, hate, fear, all things no one wants to think about while they are talking to someone about your relationship! Cause it will turn bad, now everytime I see him I will have to avoid him just for the fact that I don't know what I'd do! Be the bigger man, Mike. Don't stoop to his level. To your level. I asked you time after time to stop cause it hurt me, but to no avail. I ask you again, begging, please STOP!! But these are just typed words nothing really but soft spoken yells to a 17 inch screen. With a keyboard begging for me to stop slamming the keys, enough, that's enough Mike! Stop with it you can't do a damn thing about it but lie down and cry. Bigger man.